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Film Review in Brief: “Juno”

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Before we go showering Juno with Academy Awards (should we even get to see that happen), we just wanted to post some random thoughts on the indie-hit of the moment that has taken the country (and the critics) by storm.

C.C. checked this shit out on Monday, and, well, sorry to harsh on everyone’s Juno-crush, but this just didn’t live up to the hype.

First of all, the writing is so conspicuous, I swear I could hear Diablo Cody (the writer) whispering the lines into my ear as the actors were saying them onscreen.

And speaking of the lines, the amount of white appropriated black-speak made us a little uncomfortable, but that may have been heightened by the fact that a few, real black people (it’s no secret that C.C. is a cracker) sat behind us in the theater. Add on top of it Snoop Dog’s edict that white folk should stop using “-izzle” tags, and how strange did we feel when Ellen Page drops one in the middle of one of her sweetly laconic lines?! Regardless of The Dog’s plea, we just felt that for a movie as self-conscious as Juno is, this aspect of the script is oddly lacking self-awareness.

Yes, Ellen Page is darling. Yes, Michael Cera is sweetly dorky. Yes, Jason Bateman is hot.

But the real standout performance in this hipper-than-thou nostalgia pic (which seems to be filmed somewhere between 1979 and 1999; there are no cell phones or computers in the whole thing, but all the references are contemporary; and BTW, nobody wears those geeky jogging costumes anymore, well, except for maybe everyone in Williamsburg; I think they’re standard issue there), is Jennifer Garner as the adoptive mother of Juno’s forthcoming fetus.

Garner, like, out of nowhere, pulls off the only performance in the entire film that is even remotely relatable (except for maybe also the always awesome Alison Janey). She’s not cool. She has a stick up her ass. But she’s so vulnerable that you can’t help but respect her, no matter how square she is.

Whatevs. It’s a decent picture, but we’re afraid that hype machine has launched this ship further than its supply of fuel warrants.

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