DUmb Critic Hack Awards: The DUCHIES!

summerseve2.jpgThis one’s a no-brainer.

Now, in the coming days, you’re gonna get a lot of Mark Morris. C.C. watched (most of) the broadcast last night, and we’re gonna check out the real deal tomorrow, and then we’ll write about the two different ways of observing over the weekend.

In the mean time, we might as well bust the shit open with Alastair Macaulay‘s feminine wash-inspired review in The Times (Come to think of it, our first douchean reference was aimed at AM way back when!)

The problem at the heart of his writing is that he seems to have missed out on most of the developments of modern and post-modern dance. So when he goes to write about work by contemporary choreographers, he isn’t able to digest the physical language in an appropriate, balanced context.

You see, Mozart Dances easily lies on the more conservative side of Mark Morris’ work. The side that’s like watching Graham daydream about being Balanchine. It doesn’t challenge much aesthetically, and, in a way, it can look–to most of us–like Morris is pandering to the Linc Inc crowd.

So when Macaulay starts declaring the work “odd,” “odder,” “puzzling,” “bizarre, “confusing,” you start to wonder where Macaulay’s compass is set. And as you get into the review, you start to realize that Macaulay is suggesting that Morris’ treatment of the music…ISN’T LITERAL ENOUGH!!!

But it’s Macaulay’s familiar masturbatorial fancying that claims him the full DUCHY:

I found myself involuntarily labeling several [of Morris’ dance “motifs”], for example, “Heaven forfend!” (a dancer looks up with hands raised and flexed like shields) or “Look back in anguish” (a female dancer holds a similar position, but while lying on the floor, twisting her neck round as if in pain and alarm).

So when he inevitably comes to a neatly wrapped bit of eye-candy, he can’t help himself:

Joe Bowie, in frock coat, is one of the two chief dancers of “Double”: an authoritative senior artist figure, contrasted with the youthful Noah Vinson (whose scenes I found myself nicknaming “Beautiful Dreamer”).

Ugh. I feel dirty…

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